Momma told us we couldn't
play inside the toybox and trunk. But we played with
the doll of my little brother so we didn't need the
dead one of him anyway. But me and my bigger brother
were going to make a new doll-baby up out of us like
Momma and Poppa were making a new baby up too.
Me and my bigger brother
put the little and baby things inside the hole inside
me and under my clothes to make a baby up and make
me up into a Momma too. We rubbed baby shoes on my
stomach. We ate baby food with our hands and wore
baby clothes on small parts of us. We made Momma and
Poppa hold us up on their shoulders and we sucked
on our toes and thumbs. We talked baby-talk and crawled
around on the ground and pulled at their pant legs.
We touched on hands and arms. We rubbed legs and feet
and pushed on each other breathing hard. We yelled
We held my hands over my
nose and mouth to hold my breath inside me and my
stomach out. We pushed my stomach out from behind
me to make me up into more baby and bigger out.
We cut me and my clothes
open to get the baby out of me and blood. But our
baby only came out doll-baby. It wasn't crying or
talking or eating and angel or folded-up and paper
or big enough either. It wasn't alive or living. Our
doll-baby was bloody with my Momma and string.
But we hit the doll-baby
and pulled the string until it went from doll-alive
to people and started living inside my people-family
with us. The doll of my little brother going away
to doll-alive helped Momma and Poppa make up the new
little brother baby that they were making up for my
people-family. Momma got bigger out and more baby.
But we couldn't cut the baby out of Momma until it
got up to big enough inside her but that was going
to be a big ways away from where we were.
But Momma and Poppa yelled
at me and my bigger brother when we cut my Momma-me
out of my clothes and cut the baby out of me and blood.
My bigger brother cut my dress open on my stomach
and hole and all the way down me to blood. But Momma
told me we can't go anywhere with you wearing that.
But Momma and Poppa weren't going to leave me there
or dead when they didn't leave my little brother anywhere
else or dead either.
Momma undressed my clothes
and Poppa touched the blood off my skin even when
it never went away to angel-colored like my little
brother's did. He stopped the blood and people from
going out of me to dead and Momma dressed me back
up into bigger clothes so we could go away to a bigger
people-family than we were before we left home. Momma
and Poppa needed all of us all alive for us to get
back to the bigger people-family they had of us and
that we were going to make up again out of each other
and other people in Heaven and family and blood.